Savage Company (Company Men Book 3) Read online

  Logging off when I’m so exhausted I can barely see, I lie down right there on the couch. Sleep has been elusive since I came back from D.C., but tonight it’s coming at me like a freight train. I close my eyes, and let it crash into me, sending me to dreams of a Vixen.

  11

  Haring

  We’re breaking ground today on my building. I’m calling it mine, because it is. I chose everything about it, and everything that’s going in it. Matt trusts me, and I trust myself. This is what I was meant to do, combining business with my love of fun.

  “Now the fun begins,” Noah tells me, once Matt cuts the ribbon.

  “I can’t wait to see it all come to life.”

  “It won’t take us long since Matt has crews working all hours of the day and night.”

  “I appreciate everything you’ve done, including convincing me we had to put the water park on the main floor, and the mini-golf on the second.”

  “It was common architectural sense, but I didn’t want to kill your dreams.”

  “My dreams are long dead, but I’m extremely happy with all we’re going to do here.”

  “While I’m happy that I’m not the dream killer in this scenario, I’m sorry you’ve given up on yours.”

  “I didn’t give up, I just walked away.”

  “From a woman, I’m guessing?”

  “Yes. A woman who lied to me.”

  “Sometimes they do that, and sometimes we lie to them.”

  “You make it sound like some everyday occurrence; like it’s nothing.”

  “No. Not every day. Not even every month, thank God. But, it happens.”

  “It shouldn’t.”

  “Maybe not, but it’s how we react to what’s thrown at us that defines us. We can choose to hold onto it, and hurt, or we can move past it, and be happier than we’ve ever been in our life.”

  “I’m glad it worked out for you, but it’s not going to work for me.”

  “You won’t know until you try. Just sayin’.”

  “I appreciate your advice, I really do.”

  “But, you’re not going to follow it, are you?”

  “There are just some things you can’t get past.”

  Like, me calling her a whore. Yeah, I know what I did. I also know I had a right to be angry at her, but that word should’ve never left my mouth. Ignorance probably is bliss, because knowing what I said makes me sick to my stomach when I think about it—and I think about it a lot. I’m not taking all the blame for that happened, because she lied to me, and almost got me killed, but the blame isn’t all hers.

  “Can’t wait to see what you’re going to create, Van Gogh,” my sister says, putting her arms around me from behind.

  “It’s going to be completely epic, Kahlo. When you have an unlimited budget, and resources, the things you can actually do are mind-blowing.”

  “Doing it alone must suck, though.”

  “You’re standing right next to me, and I’m surrounded by people waiting to congratulate me.”

  “I’ll leave you to your admirers shortly, but you know what I mean.”

  “Yes, and we’ve already had this conversation. Don’t become repetitive, and boring on me, kiddo.”

  “The day I become boring, is the day the Doc will have a heart attack. I like him alive, so there’s no chance of that. I’ll leave you alone for now, but I’m not giving up on this.”

  “You should.”

  “If I hadn’t seen how happy you were with Natasha, or how much you loved each other, maybe I could. But I did see it, and that’s why I’m fighting you so hard on this.”

  “Love isn’t everything.”

  “Yeah, big brother, it is.”

  “Without trust?”

  “Trust is necessary, but it can be earned back when it’s lost. Trust me on that.”

  “Nice play on words there.”

  “It’s a talent.”

  I watch her walk away, and smile at the people who surround me. I thank them when they congratulate me, smile for every picture I’m asked to take, and put on the act of a lifetime. It doesn’t stop my thoughts, though.

  Thoughts of what my sister went through with Kendrick, and how they came out happier than ever. More in love than ever. He earned her trust back, and I don’t doubt he’ll keep it. He wouldn’t jeopardize what they have, and maybe Natasha feels the same way. Or, she did before I said that damn word.

  The smile on my face gets harder to keep there as I realize the old adage about words not hurting couldn’t be more wrong. Words are powerful, and sometimes, really ugly. Actions often speak louder than words, but words create obstacles that are sometimes insurmountable. Times like now.

  Natasha

  “Hiding in the shadows? I thought you were done with that,” Reina says, coming to stand next to me.

  I’m within the celebration perimeter for the ground breaking, but hidden by some trees. Or, I thought I was hidden. Leave it to the Queen of the Spies to find me.

  “I wanted to see this. Haring and I are over, so it’s stupid, but I wanted to see him having this moment.”

  “It’s not stupid. You could see him every single day, if you wanted.”

  “Stalking isn’t something I’d feel comfortable with.”

  “Come work for me, Natasha.”

  I turn to look at her with wide eyes. “You want to hire me?”

  “Yes.”

  “You don’t recruit spies.”

  I know this because every female spy in the world has dreamed of working for the Society, at one time or another. Who wouldn’t want to work for an organization that pays well, gives so many perks, and truly values the people who risk their lives every day? But, the beauty of this group is taking women from various walks of life and professions, and making them spies. Us traditionally trained women need not apply.

  “True. As a rule, I prefer to bring in women who have specialties of their own, but I believe you could be an asset to us. You wouldn’t have to be active if you didn’t want to. You could teach, be on a research team, or even work strictly with the Foundation. I would only ask that you share your knowledge, and experience with us, as the need arises.”

  “The Foundation? You’ve seen my file.”

  “Yes, and I’m going to be very disappointed if you’re ashamed by it.”

  “Not ashamed, no. I wanted to live.”

  “You did. You survived what most people on this Earth never could.”

  “I don’t feel alive.” I blurt it out, and then I cover my mouth.

  “I lived that way for many years, so I understand. I went through the motions, and did a damn good job of everything, but I was never truly living. That didn’t happen until Matt and I stopped fighting our love—and each other.”

  “Sometimes things are just too much to get past, to let go.”

  “If you join us, you’ll know that what most of us have gone through for love is far beyond ‘too much’ and yet, here we are.”

  “I appreciate the offer, and I’ll think about it. When do I need to let you know?”

  “Whenever you decide. It’s an open offer.”

  “Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome. I need to go stand next to my husband for a few hundred more pictures, but it was good talking to you, Natasha.”

  “You too.”

  I don’t leave when she walks away, because I don’t know what I’m going to do. I have almost a week left before this “vacation” I’ve had forced on me is over, and I’m at a crossroads. Do I go back, and return to MI, probably being sent out on another long-term assignment? Or, do I take Reina up on her offer, and have to see Haring almost every day?

  As I watch the man I love, surrounded by people who are congratulating him, and asking questions I know he won’t answer, I feel proud of the part I played in keeping him alive. As the women hit on him, and he gives them his sexy smile, I feel jealousy, and hurt. I hurt so badly, thinking about him being with another woman now, and never calling
her what he called me.

  I shake my head, because I can’t think about that right now. All it will do is make me spiral into being a hermit again, when I’m finally leaving the house. I still play Call of Duty every night, but I go out during the day. Even if it’s just for a smoothie, or to grab a bite to eat, I leave the house.

  I am a strong woman, who doesn’t need a man to make her happy. I may want him more than I want anything else, but I don’t need him. Or his judgment.

  Like it’s happening in a movie, his gaze snaps to mine as though feels me standing there. When he sees me, his eyes widen, and he steps away from the woman trying to command his attention. He mouths my name—or maybe he actually says it out loud, but I’m too far away to hear it if he does. I stay rooted to my spot, not allowing myself to make the first move. My breath whooshes out in a long exhale when he turns away from me, and back to his adoring crowd. He’s done with me right now, and probably forever.

  Do I deserve that? His scorn, and anger? No to the first, and yes to the second. He has every right to be angry, but no right to judge me. The only question I have is whether he said what he did out of anger only, or if he really means it. Should it make a difference? The feminist in me says it shouldn’t, but the woman who still loves that man, says maybe it does. I’m still not sure who’s going to win this battle.

  12

  Haring

  The offers have come pouring in since the ground breaking last week. Offers to have coffee, lunch, dinner, and sex. Everyone wants something from me. The men are looking for details on the place I’ve designed for them. And the women, well they want my body, and they’re not shy about telling me how they want it. If I was a better man, I’d be scandalized, but as I’ve done most of the things they suggest, I’m not. That’s the problem.

  I slept around like the world was ending, because I thought it was ending for me. As I spiraled into my despair, I took whatever was offered to me, and fucked it. Fucked them. Women whose names I’ll never remember, and whose faces I want to forget. Hell, even before my fall from grace, I slept with lots of women. It’s not something to brag about, and I never did, but I lived that life.

  I used women to try and forget, while Natasha used men to survive. How am I better? I’m starting to admit that I’m not. Seeing her hiding in the trees, instead of standing at my side, drove that home for me.

  She watched me surrounded by women who were offering what I once took, and the pain on her face nearly brought me to my knees. My sister told me I was wrong, Isa and Jake told me I was wrong, but I didn’t want to hear it. I still don’t want to hear anyone tell me love can conquer all. Hearing it doesn’t make it true. Seeing Natasha, and realizing I’d do anything to make her stop hurting is what turned me into a believer.

  I believe—no, I know—my love for Natasha is enough to make me overlook what she did. It’s also allowing me to see clearly. To remember how she was willing to sacrifice her life for mine in that basement. Her deception led me there, but she was going to do everything she could to make sure I lived. I knew that, but I didn’t know it. It was too soon, and I was too freaked out by everything I’d learned.

  Can we really get past what she did, and what I said? I have no fucking idea, but I know I’m going to do everything I can to fight for her. She may choose to fight against me, and not with me, but that’s just a chance I’ll have to take.

  “Hey Haring, do you have a minute?” Noah’s best friend, Brayden, asks, standing in my office doorway.

  “Sure, what’s up?”

  “We don’t know each other well, but you’re Matisse’s brother, and working with Noah, so I wanted to include you in a small party we’re having at the apartments tomorrow night. It’s just Society, and family.”

  “Thanks. What are you celebrating?”

  “Darcy and I just got approved as foster parents. It’s the first step towards adopting.”

  “Oh wow! That’s great. Congrats!”

  “Thank you. We’ve been through a long battle, trying to conceive a child, and now we’re in for a long battle, trying to give one love. It’s a lot, but we love each other, and there will never be a chance of us giving up.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all of this. Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize. Sometimes it’s easier to talk to someone you don’t really know.”

  “Yeah, maybe. So, I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  “Definitely.”

  Brayden’s a nice guy, but now he’s got me thinking about babies. Beautiful little boys and girls with red curls. I can’t see their faces clearly in my mind, because I don’t know if they’ll look more like me, or Natasha, but I know they’re ours. I’m not even sure I can ever win her back, but I’m thinking of our children? Yeah, I’m obviously a mess right now. A mess of emotions I don’t have a clue how to deal with. All I know is I need to do anything I can to get the woman I love back into my life.

  I pick up my phone, but put it right back down again. I can’t just call her. I need a plan. Something that she can’t resist, even if she’s still angry with me. I can handle her being angry. I can even handle her being hurt. It’s the fear of her hating me that’s giving me second thoughts in all of this.

  One the one hand, she came to the ground breaking, a day she knew was important for me. But, she hid in the shadows, and never approached me. Okay, and she had to have snuck in—or maybe Jake got her an invite. No, I would’ve known. The Society had to clear any non-Corrigan invitees, meaning my sister would’ve known, and told me. Or would she have? She tried to talk to me about Natasha, and I didn’t listen, so why would she tell me she was there?

  I haven’t been listening to anything but my anger, and fear, but now it’s time for me to listen to my love for her. My heart is telling me to do anything I can to get her back, and my head is in agreement this time around. It’s going to take both of them to give me even the slightest chance, but any chance is enough. It has to be.

  Natasha

  My time is almost up. My flight is booked for tomorrow. I’m leaving Las Vegas, and all that it holds. I can’t take Reina up on her offer. I want to, but there are still things I need to deal with back in D.C. Things that can’t be left alone.

  As I wallow a little, a ringing from my bedroom makes me bound up the stairs. It’s the phone that’s long been hidden inside my tampon box. No one looks there, so it was the best place to put it.

  “Hello,” I say, breathlessly.

  “It’s happening tonight. This is your chance. Details will be encrypted when sent.”

  The person on the other end of the line hangs up before I can say anything else. There’s nothing to say, so I’m not offended. I wait for the text, detailing where and when I need to be. When it comes through, I have to sit down on the bathroom floor, and take some deep breaths.

  I work through possible scenarios in my head, weighing pros and cons. I finally pick up the new phone I bought after giving up my mob one, and make the phone call I need to, because I can’t do this alone.

  “Hey, I need your help.”

  “You’ve got it.”

  This time, I’m the one hanging up without another word. The person I called trusts me to let them know what I need, and I trust them to have my back. After all I’ve seen, and done, that might be naïve of me, but in reality, it’s not. There’s no one I can trust more than him.

  I spend the afternoon gathering what I need. My gun from the safe in my closet. A couple of knives from another safe in a kitchen cabinet. Climbing gear from REI. All the physical things I need to do what has to be done.

  I can’t gather, or buy, courage. It’s something I have to find inside of me, and I do. Tonight, I could finally be free of the chains that have bound me for a long time. Chains I willingly accepted, but have become so tired of—and from. I’ve lost so much I may never get back, because I chose the path I’ve been walking on for years now.

  Will I get some of it back when this all ends? Maybe.
Will it be worth it? My head screams that yes, it will, but my heart tells me no. All I can hope for is that some of the people affected will understand.

  As I dress in black leggings, and a black hoodie, I mentally go over what I texted my accomplice, making sure neither one of us forgot something. He’s as professional as am I, so I know I’d have received a text back if he thought the plan wouldn’t work. Honestly, there’s not much leeway we have in how to do it, but missing something would be deadly. For us, and the others who will be there when it all goes down.

  It has to go down, because there’s no other way for everything to be over, once and for all.

  13

  Haring

  I’m happy to be here, celebrating Brayden and Darcy, but I wish Natasha was here with me. I’m no closer to figuring out what I need to do, because I haven’t seen her. I don’t know where to look, and I didn’t want to ask Matisse yet. I know I’ll ask her eventually, if I can’t find the information myself. I may be proud, but I’m not always stupid.

  There’s a bit of a commotion at the door to the outside, and then James Kanta is strolling out, with guards at his side. The first thing I notice is that Natasha isn’t with them. Why is he here?

  Reina asks my question out loud for me. “Why are you here, James?”

  “I can’t visit my favorite secret spy organization while I’m in town?”

  “A call would be preferred. We’re in the middle of a private celebration at the moment.”

  “Am I not a friend?”

  “No.”

  James seems to notice me for the first time. “Hello, Haring. It’s a lovely day to be alive, wouldn’t you say?”

  “I’m sure you see that as a failure in my case.”

  “Yes, actually, and failure is not an option.”

  The gun is in his hand, and pointed at me, before I can register what is happening. His team also has guns out, but they aren’t pointing them anywhere specific. Until they are.