Training the SECRET (Corrigan & Co #6) Read online

  I start to walk back to her, but she holds out a hand to stop me. “I’m fine with the playing, and I’ll even pretend to be a good little sub, but your clothes need to come off. I am seriously not going to stand here naked while you’re fully clothed.”

  “I-I can’t do that, Jade. I don’t do that.”

  “What? You mean to tell me you stay clothed while fucking?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve seen you with your shirt off. You take it off in front of me all the time.”

  “I can take my shirt off if you need me to, but that’s it.”

  “We’re done for the night, then. I’m not some nameless chick you can do a fuck and duck with while you keep your pants on. Thanks for getting me worked up. Again.”

  She grabs her clothes and shoes, and then reaches for the bag of food to get her sandwich. I can’t let tonight end like this. There’s no way I can tell her everything, but maybe just a little will be enough.

  “I haven’t taken off my clothes to fuck since I was a teenager.”

  “Why? Do you have scars from the wars or something? I won’t care about any of that. You can show me.”

  I have emotional scars, but not from the war. She doesn’t need to hear about how fucked-up I am, though. “No. It’s just…you know what, never mind. This was a bad idea. I’m the worst idea you’ve ever had, and I shouldn’t be here. I’ll ask Matt or Jake to come out and help you tomorrow.”

  “Don’t you dare leave me,” she says, dropping the clothes from her hands and climbing up on the stools like I told her to. “Please take off your shirt.”

  She bends over a little to brace her hands on the counter. Her ass is in the air, and she’s the perfect height for what I wanted. What I still want. She’s leaving herself vulnerable and open to me, even as I hurt her by continuing to hide parts of myself from her.

  I know that it’s time to toss aside another piece of my armor. I’m not a conquest, or a commodity to this woman. She just wants me, and she deserves everything I can give her. I pull my shirt over my head, and then get rid of my shoes and pants. I don’t wear underwear, so I’m naked now, and she’ll be the first woman outside of a military hospital to see me like this in almost half my life.

  I close my eyes and take a deep breath as my body shakes a little. “Turn around, Jade.”

  “Why?” she asks, but does what I told her to. “Nate…you didn’t have to.”

  “Yeah. I did.”

  I still can’t open my eyes yet. I don’t want to see the desire in hers. That would be too much right now. I hear her hop off the stools and walk over to me. She takes my clenched fists in her hands and kisses me in the middle of my chest.

  “Why are you shaking?”

  “I-I can’t tell you that right now.”

  “Okay. Can you look at me?”

  I nod and open my eyes. She’s looking up at me, but instead of the desire I was expecting, I see love and compassion. Jade is worried about me and regretting that she asked me to do this.

  “I love you, Jade.”

  “I love you, too, Nate. You can put your pants back on if you need to.”

  I don’t want to. I want to be stronger than this. Hell, I was fucking Special Forces, hunting down the baddest of the bad. And yet, just the thought of her looking at me scares me more than anything in the world right now.

  “If I leave them off, can you try not to look at me?”

  “If that’s what you need, yes.”

  “Thank you.”

  I reach out and pick her up before she can say anything else. She starts to wrap her legs around me, but then stops. I hate that I’m making her second guess everything she wants to do, but I’ll be making it up to her in a few seconds. I turn with my back to the island as I kick the stools back a little. She sets a foot on each as I let her go, and then leans forward as I drop to my knees in front of her.

  Her pussy’s right there, and I take my first lick down the center. She jerks back a little so I smack her ass again. “Stay.”

  I need to be in control or I won’t be able to do this with my clothes off. I think she knows that, too, since she remains quiet and doesn’t move again. I give her a few more long licks and then dart my tongue out to taste her clit. God, she tastes good. I knew she would, but damn. I could stay like this all night. I could come like this all night.

  I tease us both a little bit longer, and then I just go for it. I lick and suck her back and forth, twirling my tongue inside her because I can’t get enough. When I can tell she’s close, I slide two fingers into her, and then a third, as I find her clit again and suck it hard. She’s bucking against my mouth as she comes, yelling out my name. The stools tip over as she kicks her legs, and I have to band my free arm around her thighs to hold her up as I bring her down.

  I promised her more than one from my mouth, so I lift her higher and throw her legs over my shoulders. Her ass gets another smack, and then I get back to business.

  “Stop smacking my ass, Soldier.”

  I pull back just enough to answer. “You like it. Don’t try and pretend you don’t.”

  “Just take me to my damn bed. You already made it nearly impossible for me to stand. I want your cock.”

  She tries to pull herself off of me, but I stop her, standing and turning us so I can set her on the island. “The lights have to be off, okay?”

  “I told you I won’t look, so yes. Turn every fucking light off if you need to.”

  “You’re mad.”

  “No, Nate. I’m frustrated. I don’t know what’s got you feeling so insecure about your body, but I want to be respectful and not make you run, so I’m ignoring my true nature and trying to let it go. I don’t know if it’s okay to touch, or if I just have to lie back and be an inactive participant. I just want to be with you. That’s all. You and me. In and out of bed. I’ll abide by any conditions you set for me, but I need to know what those are so I don’t freak you out again.”

  “I-I’m sorry, Jade. You deserve better than what I can give you.”

  “Not this again.”

  “No, I’m not going to push you away. You may deserve better, but as long as you want me, I’m staying.”

  “So tell me what I can do. I want you to enjoy this—me.”

  “There’s no doubt that I’m already enjoying you, Angel,” I tell her, and then close my eyes for the rest. “If you could just lie back tonight, I’d appreciate it. I know it’s a lot to ask, and if you can’t, I’ll deal.”

  I hear her sigh. “I can do it tonight. I’m not going to be okay with this forever, but you took off your clothes for me, and I can tell that doing that was huge for you, so I’ll go along with it for now.”

  “Thank you.”

  I swoop her into my arms and carry her upstairs. She directs me to her room, and I manage to get to the bed in the dark without hurting either one of us. I lay her down,and push her hands above her head, before rubbing my cock over her.

  “Did you bring a condom up here with you?”

  “No. We both know we don’t need one.”

  We’re tested regularly through Corrigan, and all the girls have some futuristic birth control injections that Audrey designed. Despite what I’ve done in my past, and my present, I’ve never gone without protection, but I want to with her.

  “When was your last partner?”

  “About three months ago, and I used a rubber. I always do.”

  “Okay.”

  I’m still ready to go after all our talking, but I want to make sure she is, too. I let her tits overflow in my hands as I kiss her ribs and stomach. I move lower and spend some time taking her close to the edge. I want her to come with me inside of her, so I leave her there, and then line myself up before thrusting into her.

  I set up a punishing pace right from the beginning. She asked me earlier to fuck her hard, and I’m doing that now. Both for her, and for me. I’ve been on edge ever since I first saw her on that ladder, and I need to finally get some release
.

  She’s so wet that I’m slipping around inside of her. And damn does she feel good. It’s pure fucking Heaven. I need to come, but I want to stay inside of her like this forever. I know I’m getting close, but she’s not.

  “What do you need?”

  “N-nothing.”

  “You’re not coming, so obviously you need something else from me. Tell me.”

  “I already came. I probably just can’t do it again so soon. Go ahead.”

  Dammit. I know she’s lying, but I’m too close to just stop. I thrust hard a few more times, and then I’m coming with a force I’ve never experienced before in my life. I know part of it is because I was bare, but mostly it’s her. She’s just it for me.

  I kiss her lightly on the mouth, and then go to clean up. I bring back a washcloth for her, but she’s already on her side, curled into herself. There’s no room to sit next to her on the bed in front of her, so I sit at the bottom end and reach for her legs.

  “Don’t. I mean, you don’t have to do that.”

  “I want to clean you up.”

  “I can take care of myself.”

  “Please let me do this for you.”

  “No. I just want to sleep. You can have any of the guest rooms.”

  What? “I was planning to sleep in here with you.”

  “I can’t.”

  I hear her voice crack, and my heart cracks along with it. I reach out and pull her to me, but she resists. “Jade?”

  “Let me go. I’m not allowed to push you away, so please let me go.”

  Shit. I let her go immediately. “Did you want to push me away when we were…I mean, God. Did you not want that?”

  “I wanted it, but it was really hard, Nate. Not touching you, or kissing you.”

  “You could’ve kissed me.”

  “I would’ve had to touch you in order to bring your mouth to me.”

  “You can ask.”

  “I shouldn’t have to.”

  No. She shouldn’t. She doesn’t have to. “And now you want me to go.”

  “No. I want you to stay and cuddle with me, but if I can’t touch you, how is that even possible? And what if I accidentally touch you in my sleep? Will that hurt you? Because I don’t want to hurt you.”

  I hurt her, yet she’s thinking about me. Just like she always has. This time when I pull her to me, she doesn’t struggle, but she does remain stiff in my arms.

  “You can touch me, Jade. Wherever you want, however you want. I’m so, so sorry that I didn’t let you before. I wanted our first time to be amazing for you, and instead it sucked because of my fucked-up issues.”

  “Yeah, it did. But now it can only get better, right?” she asks, as she runs her hands over my chest.

  “You’re not supposed to be making me feel better right after I hurt you.”

  “You didn’t hurt me. I mean you did, but not exactly in the way you mean. I don’t have to touch you all the time. It’s just hard to be in the moment when you’re worrying about doing something wrong.”

  “Nothing you could do to me would be wrong. I’m sorry I made you feel that way. I’m fucked up beyond belief, but that has nothing to do with you.”

  And it really doesn’t. She’s been running her fingers over my pecs, ribs, and abs while we talk, and I haven’t flinched once. Having her touching me feels really good. I should’ve known it would be different; she’s not like the women from my past. She sees past my body to the guy who’s trying to hide inside of himself.

  “You’re sure this is okay?”

  “It’s perfect. You’re perfect. Now let me clean you up so we can cuddle all night before I ravage you again.”

  “If I don’t ravage you first.”

  “Please do.”

  Chapter 4

  Jade

  I’m wrapped in Nate’s arms when I wake up, and I couldn’t be happier. Until I realize that the sun’s streaming in the windows. Shit. I need to close the blackout drapes before I see anything I’m not supposed to. He’s letting me touch, but he didn’t say I could look yet.

  I squirm out of his embrace, and am halfway off the bed, when a strong set of arms pulls me back. “Unless you have to pee really bad, you better not be trying to get out of this bed. I don’t even care if you’ve got dragon grade morning breath. I’m nowhere near done with you yet.”

  All of me gets tingly from his words, but I can’t lose sight of my mission. “The drapes, Nate. I need to close them before I accidentally see you.”

  I hear his sharp intake of breath before he speaks. “Leave them.”

  “But just last night you said I couldn’t look. Are you really ready now?”

  “I don’t know if I’ll ever be fully ready, but just the fact that you’re thinking of me before anything else makes it okay. You can look at me if you want.”

  “If I want? Are you insane? I’ve seen your chest so I knew what I was feeling with my hands was on point. But when I felt you inside of me. Sweet Jesus, I wanted to see.”

  He laughs at me. “Thank you for making me laugh, and being…well, you.”

  “You’re welcome, but just so you know, I may be a trained spy but I have trouble pretending to be anyone I’m not in real life.”

  “What I see is what I get. I knew that about you the first time we met.”

  “And you still think I’m a good idea?”

  “Oh yeah. The best I’ve ever had.”

  Since this is all going so well, I ask the question I’ve wanted to since he let me touch last night. “You said I could touch, and now look. Am I also allowed to kiss, lick, and suck?”

  “Fuck yeah. You can bite me, too, if the mood strikes.”

  “You didn’t even think about that for a second.”

  “You said you want to suck me, what’s there to think about?”

  “Then why don’t you lie back and let me enjoy myself for a few minutes.”

  “I was hoping to be inside of you this morning. I need to redeem myself.”

  “You’re a fit guy, I’m sure you have enough stamina to come multiple times.”

  I see him flinch, but he puts a smile on his face almost immediately. I’m not going for fake smiles, with a side of pain, so I sit back on my heels, while I take his face in my hands.

  “I don’t know what I said wrong—and you don’t have to tell me—but do you still want…you know?”

  “Your mouth on me? Uh, yeah. That should never even be a question. Have you lost your mind, woman?”

  “I just wanted…never mind,” I tell him as I drop my hands and start to pull the covers off of him.

  It’s his turn to cup my cheeks now. “I know, Jade. I appreciate your concern more than anything. What I won’t appreciate is if you try and censor yourself because you’re worried about hurting me. You don’t hurt me—you heal me. With your words, and your love. Even your hands last night felt so amazing on me, and I didn’t think that was possible.”

  I smile and push him onto his back. When I slide back the sheet, I nearly faint. I felt him last night, so I know he’s big and thick, but damn. He’s big, and thick. I lick my lips and look up at him. He’s got an eyebrow quirked, and a smug smile on his face.

  “If you didn’t have every right to look smug right now, I’d smack you.”

  “Are you saying that you like my cock, Angel?”

  “Maybe a little,” I say as I swirl my tongue over the tip. “Or maybe a whole fucking lot.”

  I take him as far into my mouth as possible while he practically flies off the bed, cursing and saying my name. Oh yeah, it feels good to tame the bad boy. Even as I’m starting to realize that he’s not as bad as he wants everyone to think. I’m going to find out his secrets, and then I’m going to really help him heal. He deserves to be happy, and so do I.

  * * *

  Nate

  If fucking was an Olympic sport, I would’ve definitely medaled today. And so would Jade. I wake up to the sun high in the sky outside, and an empty bed beside me. S
he better not have gone out without waking me. It’s too dangerous for her to be running around this city without back-up.

  I run downstairs and find her at the kitchen counter. She’s chewing on a pen, and looking like she wants to curl up somewhere and cry. I come up behind her, and pull her into my arms.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “I was just looking at my dad’s medical charts.”

  “It’s that bad? I’m sorry, J.”

  “Yes and no. I mean, he’s had two heart attacks, but he can be treated and get better.”

  “That’s great news.”

  “He’ll have to give up the gym, though. I came here thinking I could help him, and fix it up, but now there’s no point.”

  “Can’t you find someone to just run it for him? He could still train the guys and all, but someone could do the office work.”

  “Me?”

  “No. You have a job already. One that you’re good at, one that’s important. What would happen to all those kids if Jade Garrett wasn’t around to save them?”

  “The Society would find someone else to help them.”

  Is it just a job for her—saving people? Because if it is, I’ve totally misjudged her, and not in a good way. I’m a little pissed about that and not hiding it well.

  “So it’s just a paycheck to you? What you do doesn’t mean anything?”

  “Now who’s acting insane? Of course the Society and what we do means something to me. Is it wrong that my father means more, though?”

  Right. It’s her dad. I need to get over my shit and help her handle this. “No. It just seemed like you didn’t care for a minute there.”

  “I love my job, and I care about the people we help, Nate. How could you not know that?”

  “I do know. I…oh, fuck…can we just talk about your dad and the gym before I choke on the foot that’s in my mouth?”

  I hate that she can make me feel so vulnerable, but I love it, too. I work so hard to hide things so I can come across as strong and mean with everyone else. Knowing I can just be myself with her, and she won’t laugh at me, or pity me, well, it makes me feel happier than I’ve ever felt in my life.