Training the SECRET (Corrigan & Co #6) Read online

  “She’s good. And she’s right. Jade’s wrecked, and hurt, but she wouldn’t want you to die.”

  “Unless she killed me herself.”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “I’m going to Paris to hang out with Darcy and pretend to guard her on this mission.”

  “You’re coming home after that, right?”

  “I don’t know that I have a home anymore. Jade…she was my home. Even when we weren’t together. I always knew that one of us would come back to the Foundation, and be in the same city.”

  “I’ll talk to her, and I’ll talk to Ellie. Once she knows the whole story, she’ll understand.”

  “I really don’t think so, but I won’t turn down the help.”

  “You were a kid, Nate. A hungry, scared kid.”

  “I still had a choice and I made the wrong one.”

  “Who among us hasn’t made the wrong choice?”

  “Did you try to kill Ellie’s dad?”

  “No, but I could’ve. Hell, I could’ve actually killed him, and not have known.”

  “But you didn’t.”

  “Hunt is cool with you. That has to count for something.”

  “She’ll think he said that because he wanted her to be happy. She’s partly right; although, he said he forgave me that night.”

  “Go to Paris and regroup. Then come home and win back your girl.”

  “I won’t make a promise that I can’t keep.”

  “Be safe. And call me or Matt if you feel the need to pick up a gun again.”

  “I’ll have a gun while I’m protecting Darcy. I have to pick it up every day.”

  “You know what I mean.”

  “Thanks Aiden.”

  “Thank me by keeping yourself alive, and not giving up hope.”

  He hangs up, and I decide that if I can do at least one of those things, I’m somewhat winning. I can’t keep hope alive, but I can keep myself that way. I thank God again for bringing my friends into my life, and making them such bulldogs. Depression is a cruel disease that no one deserves. I’ve been medicated for years, and yet this one thing—albeit a huge thing—sent me spiraling with nowhere to go but the barrel of a gun. Not everyone has access to pills designed by a world-renowned chemist like Audrey, a specialized therapist who’s available any time day or night to take your call, or a group of friends who can find you wherever you try to hide. Without these people, and the women who lead the Society and have made those three things available to me, I would’ve pulled the trigger long before now. I know that, and so do they.

  Chapter 18

  Jade

  It’s been two weeks since Nate left, and the pain hasn’t gone away, or even subsided. I’m home in Vegas, but I haven’t been in to work. My dad came back with us, but Heath stayed behind to run the gym. It turns out he really wanted the job, but thought that taking care of my dad was more important. Now that I’m here, I’m supposed to be taking care of him, but I can’t.

  I can’t talk to him, or see him. He had no right to keep what Nate did from me. I know he was doing it to protect me, and making peace with Nate was what he did to make me happy. But I don’t feel protected or happy. I feel betrayed and sadder than I’ve ever been in my life.

  I also can’t talk to Ellie. She says she knows why Nate did what he did all those years ago, and she thinks I’ll understand. He tried to kill my father. There is nothing more I need to know, and I don’t get why she’s pushing this so hard. Other than the fact that Aiden’s been trying to talk to me, too, and she’s in love with him. She’s still supposed to be my best friend first.

  I did let her tell me that he’s alive, and safe. I needed to know that for my own sanity. I don’t blame myself for the fact that they say he wanted to kill himself, because I know that no one can control another person’s actions. Everyone has a choice. It would have damaged me if he had made the choice to end his life, but I knew it wouldn’t come to that. He’s too strong to let something like a break-up send him down that road.

  There’s a knock on my apartment door, and I go to answer it. I’m surprised to see my father and Helen standing there in the hallway. I don’t want to let either of them in, but Helen is my boss, and the Society owns this building, so I can’t deny her access. They seem to be a package deal, so I open the door and step back to let them pass by.

  “If this is about work, I’ll be back soon. I promise. I just needed some time.”

  “This is not about work. It’s about Nate.”

  “I’m sorry, but no.”

  “Sit down, Jade. Your father and I both have things that we need to say to you. You will listen to us if you want to continue working for the Society.”

  “My job depends on listening to you both try and defend a man who has no honor?”

  A look of rage takes over Helen’s face. I have never seen her get so angry, and it scares me enough that I take a step back. “Nate Anderson is one of the most honorable men I have ever known. You do not know his whole story. He should be the one telling you, but since you have made that impossible, we’re going to tell you his story.”

  “I can’t believe you’re defending him.”

  “And I can’t believe that you are being so difficult and close-minded. I know that what you heard from Brent Sullivan hurt you, but if you’d just listened to the whole story that night, you wouldn’t still be hurting.”

  “You’re that sure?”

  “Yes, we are,” my dad answers for her.

  “Okay. I’ll listen.” Not that I have a choice.

  We sit down, and they share a look. Helen nods at my dad, and he starts to speak. “Twenty years ago, your mother left us and moved into an apartment set up for her by Sullivan.”

  “No.”

  “Yes, Jade. He offered her more than I could, and she left me to be his mistress. A funny thing happened four years later, though. My gym was thriving and I had some of the best fighters in the city. Sullivan wanted in on the action, but I refused. He retaliated by putting out a hit on me.

  “Most of the men in the city ignored it, out of loyalty to me, or because they hated Sullivan. But there was a young man who couldn’t ignore it. He was a promising fighter in my gym, and he was also homeless. His mother was a well-known prostitute who slept with men for drugs, and not food for her son. It had been that way for years, and while the neighborhood did their best to look out for him when he was a little boy, as a teenager, he was forgotten. I fed him when he’d let me, but it embarrassed him, and he would disappear until he was sometimes so hungry that he could barely stand. I would give him some food, and then he would train like his life depended on it, because it did. He knew that his skill as a fighter would take him off the streets.”

  No. Oh my God, no. “Nate?”

  “Yes, it was Nate. The night he came to our house was the first time I had seen him in two weeks. I knew what he was there for, and so I didn’t try to fight. I just asked him to use some of the money to take care of my little girl, and he promised that he would. He hit me over and over as tears ran down his face, and he said ‘I’m sorry’ more times than I could even count. When I was lying on the ground, unable to move, I told him that I forgave him, and to just finish it. He couldn’t Jade. Nate couldn’t kill me. He knew he needed to, but his hands were shaking and he fell to his knees. I, again, told him it was okay, and that I understood. I gave him all the cash I had on me, and asked him to make some noise when he left so you would wake up to find me in time to call for an ambulance. He wanted to stay and do it himself, but I knew he wouldn’t survive in jail.”

  “Oh, Daddy. I remember. I heard the door slamming. I always thought it was a mistake.”

  “It wasn’t. You called 911 and I was taken to the hospital where I told them I hadn’t seen whoever attacked me. The beating put me on the police radar, though, which meant that Sullivan had to halt his plans to have me killed. He was furious, and sent some of his men after the boy who had promised that he could get into the house that n
ight. Nate knew he was coming for him, so he did the only thing he could think to do. He went to one of the women who was in bed with Sullivan, both figuratively and literally. Cecile Deveraux.”

  “That’s why he let her do that to him. She was protecting him.”

  “Yes. She kept him as her personal lover for the first month, and then when Sullivan insisted, she put him into circulation. You know what happened after that, and if I must say, Nate has more than served his penance for what he did to me. When I saw him with you, it scared me, but we talked and I realized the depth of his love for you, and that he loved you before he knew that you were the little girl he had promised to take care of. He gave me that same promise again, and I believed him. He also apologized again, and I told him that it was another lifetime, and it was the present I was concerned with. Not our past.”

  I’m crying now. For the boy who couldn’t kill my father and had to sell his body in order to not be killed himself. And also for the man I love, who willingly faced all of his demons because he wanted to be with me. Helen hasn’t spoken yet, and I know that whatever she has to tell me is going to be even worse. I can see it on her face.

  “Here’s where I come in, Jade. I’m going to tell you things that I shouldn’t, but you need to know them.”

  “I won’t tell anyone you told me. Neither will my dad. He’s obviously a vault.”

  “I know.” She takes a deep breath, and then continues. “The things that Nate had to endure as a teenager have damaged him. Even the things he saw and did in the war didn’t affect him the way his past does. When Matt brought him to the Foundation, he asked Jane and the rest of us if he could have some of the counseling the women we help receive. We thought that was a strange request until he told us his story. We immediately offered to find him a special therapist, and he accepted our offer. We also told him that Audrey was developing a special anti-depressant for us that was designed to help people who had been through extreme trauma balance their emotions. He readily agreed to be a test subject; although, Audrey didn’t know it was him until the incident at the party.”

  “He’s okay though. I mean, Ellie said he was okay. He wouldn’t really try to hurt himself.”

  “He’s not okay, Jade. He had a gun in his hand when he answered Darcy’s call. She talked him out of it by telling him how much it would hurt you if he killed himself after you broke up with him. He called Matt and Aiden after that, and between the three of them, they got him to promise to call if he felt that hopeless again. He has been in touch with his therapist, and Audrey has adjusted his medication. He seems to be doing well, but he is still despondent over the loss of you in his life. I cannot make your decisions for you, but I would strongly urge you to listen to what your father said and remember the man you fell in love with. If you decide that you want to give him another chance, it has to be because you want that, not because we do. If it’s not real, it won’t last, and no one thinks he could survive that.”

  He was really going to kill himself? No. He wouldn’t do that.“He always seemed so strong, so sure of himself.”

  “That is the façade he wore for the world. I would be surprised if he hadn’t lowered that mask for you, and shown you the real man hiding inside.”

  “He did. I just didn’t realize how hard that must have been for him. I wish he had told me all of this.”

  “So does he. He was frightened by the thought of you hating him, and rightly so.”

  “It would’ve been different if he’d told me himself.”

  “Would it really have been?”

  I think about it, and answer honestly. “Maybe a little, but in the long run, no. I wouldn’t have listened to him once I heard what he did to my dad, and knowing him, that would’ve been the first thing he told me.”

  “We’re going to leave you alone now, so you can think without the pressure of us here. Just remember what I said—this has to be your decision, what you feel is right for you. I will support you no matter what, but you need to know that the mentors will fight to bring Nate back home. He is part of our family, and we want him to keep working with us.”

  “Before you leave, I have to ask you something.”

  “He wouldn’t give us her name, and so we couldn’t go after her.”

  “But why?”

  “You know how we sometimes help women, and then years later they are still afraid that their husband will come for them, even when they know that it’s not possible?”

  “Yes.”

  “Nate was afraid of that terrible woman. He referred to her only as ‘Madame’ and would visibly shake when he said that. He’s felt guilt over not telling us. He knows he could’ve helped people, but we told him that sometimes you have to help yourself first. Going back there had opened up old wounds for him, and he had asked for a meeting once he got back. He was going to tell us. You just beat him to it.”

  “Thank you both for coming here, and making me listen.”

  “Think hard, Jade, and look into your heart. I’ve never seen you as happy as you were with him,” my dad says.

  Before I can respond, Tegan’s son Ethan comes running up to the door. “Your present’s here, Jade.”

  “My present?”

  “Yeah, come on.”

  He grabs my hand and pulls me into the elevator. I make him wait for Helen and my dad, because in all his excitement he almost forgot them. That’s not like him—he’s usually a totally considerate kid. Whatever “present” has arrived for me obviously has him excited.

  When we reach the ground floor he leads me out back to the stable that the mentors had built for him. Ryan Griffin bought up the land around our building, and designed a state of the art barn, “meadow,” and exercise ring. Scott, Ainsley, and Aiden worked together, making it completely secure, even though it’s outside.

  When we get to the ring, I stop short and cover my mouth with my hand. There’s is a beautiful white pony inside, with a man holding its reins. “Ms. Garrett?”

  I nod. “Yes, that’s me.”

  “Meet your new pony. Mr. Anderson said that her name is Cherub. I’m sorry for the delay in delivering her, but she wasn’t quite ready to leave her momma until this week.”

  He bought me a pony. Nate bought me a freaking pony. He said he would, but I thought he was joking. And he once said he didn’t know anything about romance.

  “Go pet her, Jade. She won’t bite,” Ethan encourages me. I can tell he’s almost as excited as I am.

  “Well, actually, she may nibble a little. She is a baby after all,” the man tells me.

  Ethan and I walk into the ring, and I approach my new horse. I hold out my hand to try and show no fear. I read once that horses can sense fear, and I don’t want to spook her. She sniffs my hand, and then pushes her head into it. I stroke her forehead and neck before wrapping my arms around her in a hug. I have a pony. A real live pony that the man I love bought for me.

  I turn to look at my dad, and Helen, who are both smiling and taking pictures. “I need to borrow a plane to take me wherever he is.”

  “There’s one waiting for you now.”

  “Will you take care of Cherub for me while I’m gone, Ethan?”

  “Sure.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Let’s get you to the airport, Jade. You have a man to bring home.”

  Chapter 19

  Nate

  I’ve been working the night shift, “guarding” Darcy for the past two weeks. She wanted me on the day shift so we could actually hang out, but after a day of dealing with stuck up shopkeepers and snooty museum people, I was out. Now I just watch the monitors at night, and sleep all day. The guy I work with on the night shift is s a talker, so I don’t get to dwell on Jade, or how badly I fucked it up, while I’m working.

  I pulled an extra shift last night, and I’m just going to bed before the sun comes up when I hear a commotion downstairs. I run down the steps faster than I should be able to, but the thought of Darcy being in danger propels me forward.
I hear Darcy’s raised voice as I draw near the front door. It sounds more angry than scared, though.

  “Let him sleep. You can come by later to see him.”

  “I want to see him now. I need to see him, and I will take out every one of your guards—and you—if I have to in order to get to him.”

  I stop short in the hallway. No. It can’t be. There is no way that she’s here.

  “I won’t let you destroy him, Jade. He’s been hurt enough.”

  It is her. It’s Jade. She’s trying to see me, and Darcy won’t let her. Fuck that.

  “I’m not here to hurt him. I’m here to bring him home.”

  “Angel?”

  “Nate. Can I talk to you?” she asks, starting towards me. Darcy steps in front of her and looks over her shoulder at me.

  “You don’t have to do this. I can make her leave.”

  “You and what army, Darcy?”

  “My future husband’s army, Jade.”

  “Back off, Darce. You know I want to talk to her.”

  “Seriously? After all the shit you’ve gone through?” I nod. “Fine. Maybe you’ll finally stop sulking.”

  “He will if I have any say in it.”

  “You have all the say. I probably shouldn’t tell you that, but then again, you know.”

  “I only know that I love you. Is there someplace we can go to talk?”

  She said the words. She said that she loves me. I’m trying to play it cool, but I know that I’m grinning like an idiot.

  “We can go to the roof. It’s kind of my “place” here.”

  “Don’t make it sound like I have you sleeping on the roof,” Darcy says with her hands on her hips.

  “I said it’s my place, not my room.” I look at Jade. “I set it up with some stuff, and I go up there to think at night sometimes.”

  “I’d love to see it.”

  “Try not to scandalize the neighbors.”

  “Who, us?” I ask.

  “Yes, you. If she’s really here to take you back, you two are going to be going at it like rabbits.”

  “We’re in France. People won’t care.”